Hello Everyone,
Many thanks for your posts and love and support. I have my laptop on my table in my "recovery room," so I can sit and type for a bit. Catherine and I were just laughing that I look like a bit of a lodger typing away in the corner of my room under dim lighting in my flannel shirt with my toque on.
A room of one's own.
I can't express the range of emotions I have experienced over the last few days, but I will flesh some of them out over the next few days and describe them as I can. I am happy to report, however, that three of the Beatles have left the building. That process was ok - mostly the pain was from the three sites where the skin already was attaching around the drains. Once that skin was detached, my nurse, Christina, always calm, cool and collected, told me to breathe.
Oh oh. This can't be good.
Simply put, that process could have been in an episode from the X-files: with each drain, it felt like a three-inch flattened worm slid like lightening under my skin until it left the opening. By the time my brain registered the pain, it was over. Only one more to go. Probably Wednesday. Then I'll eat as much ice cream as I want.
I am beginning to understand the reason for this nerve drug. I didn't have any nerve pain to start, but now I'm having nerve sensitivity on my left side, and in my left arm, so I'm happy to keep the drugs coming. And I'm having strange sensations where they took out the lymph nodes - I'd swear I'm leaking fluid from my left arm, but I'm not. It's just a ghost feeling. Totally odd.
My fingers ache tonight from the Taxol, so I need to stop typing, and I should elevate this left arm. But I'll write again tomorrow.
Much love and thanks,
Kip
Monday, January 10, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Gabapentastoned....
Dear friends, Catherine here:
Kip is taking a new nerve-pain medication called Gabapentin and it is making her pretty groggy. She spent much of the day gazing into the middle distance and described the state as 'gabapentastoned'. I'm not sure it's a great buzz; it looks too fuzzy to be fun. We are hoping that she adjusts to this because the instructions are to take it for four weeks!
The homecare nurse came this morning and removed the large bandage. All of the incisions are clean and seem to be healing well. One of the other things that the nice young doctor told us yesterday was that because of the cancellation before Kip's surgery, they had a bit of extra time. Rather than use staples, they used cosmetic sutures which are self-dissolving and apparently leave a nicer line in the end. Great for Kip, but as Julie said, why do they book so many appointments so that you have to get lucky to get the good cosmetic effect?
There is still some swelling, but Kip did get a first look at her chest. She said it was initially strange to look down and see her belly-button, and it was a little upsetting just to see herself cut up like that. But it will heal and she says she feels confident it will be okay.
Last night, while drinking contraindicated red wine, she named the four drains after the Beatles. We then sang some appropriate Beatles songs. 'Help', 'Baby you Can Drive My Car', and the obvious, 'Octopuses' Garden'. (Kip has been making lemonade out of lemons as usual)
The rule is that when the drains collect under 50cc's over 48 hours, they are removed. We're hoping that the Beatles will be broken up by Monday and three of the drains will be removed.
In all, it was a quiet day. Thank you again for all of your support,
With love,
Catherine (and Kip)
Kip is taking a new nerve-pain medication called Gabapentin and it is making her pretty groggy. She spent much of the day gazing into the middle distance and described the state as 'gabapentastoned'. I'm not sure it's a great buzz; it looks too fuzzy to be fun. We are hoping that she adjusts to this because the instructions are to take it for four weeks!
The homecare nurse came this morning and removed the large bandage. All of the incisions are clean and seem to be healing well. One of the other things that the nice young doctor told us yesterday was that because of the cancellation before Kip's surgery, they had a bit of extra time. Rather than use staples, they used cosmetic sutures which are self-dissolving and apparently leave a nicer line in the end. Great for Kip, but as Julie said, why do they book so many appointments so that you have to get lucky to get the good cosmetic effect?
There is still some swelling, but Kip did get a first look at her chest. She said it was initially strange to look down and see her belly-button, and it was a little upsetting just to see herself cut up like that. But it will heal and she says she feels confident it will be okay.
Last night, while drinking contraindicated red wine, she named the four drains after the Beatles. We then sang some appropriate Beatles songs. 'Help', 'Baby you Can Drive My Car', and the obvious, 'Octopuses' Garden'. (Kip has been making lemonade out of lemons as usual)
The rule is that when the drains collect under 50cc's over 48 hours, they are removed. We're hoping that the Beatles will be broken up by Monday and three of the drains will be removed.
In all, it was a quiet day. Thank you again for all of your support,
With love,
Catherine (and Kip)
Friday, January 7, 2011
Home
Dear Friends,
This blog entry is being co-written by Kip and Catherine. Kip is very tired tonight, but also extremely happy. It has been a good day. Kip had a good night in hospital, if such a thing is to be had. There was some sleep, some meditation, some chatting with the night nurse, some introspection and the day, like all days in hospitals, started early. I (Catherine) and Barb arrived at the hospital about 8:00 and found Kip up and happy to see us. We met with the doctor (one of the fellows working with the surgeon, who was part of the operation) and he was able to answer some of our questions. The axiol dissection on the left side means that all of the lymph nodes from the first two levels were taken. On the right, the sentinel node and one smaller one beside it, was also taken. These will be closely inspected by the pathologist and we will get that report at the end of January. No muscle was taken, and only one nerve was harmed, which explains some of why Kip has such good range of motion already. However, the nerve that was taken was under her left armpit has left a numb area that extends from under her arm from the edge of her shoulder to the elbow. The doctor says that some sensation may return.
The pain is pretty managed with Tylenol-3, but Kip says that with certain motions she feels like a dog hitting an electric fence (not a totally relaxing image). But she is getting used to the limits.
We have learned how to milk the drains (there are four of them, and they collect fluids that are confused by the absent lymph nodes).
We left the hospital by about 11:30, and Christina (the home care nurse) came by not too long after to deal with the back absess. Everything looks good there, and there will be a home care nurse in every day for as long as we need one.
After an afternoon snooze, Barb came by with Helen and made dinner for us, and Maureen came as well. An impromptu party emerged, and Kip had a contraindicated yet well deserved glass of wine or two! We laughed and cried and celebrated this moment together.
We hope for a long and restful night.
Sending love and good thoughts,
Catherine and Kip
This blog entry is being co-written by Kip and Catherine. Kip is very tired tonight, but also extremely happy. It has been a good day. Kip had a good night in hospital, if such a thing is to be had. There was some sleep, some meditation, some chatting with the night nurse, some introspection and the day, like all days in hospitals, started early. I (Catherine) and Barb arrived at the hospital about 8:00 and found Kip up and happy to see us. We met with the doctor (one of the fellows working with the surgeon, who was part of the operation) and he was able to answer some of our questions. The axiol dissection on the left side means that all of the lymph nodes from the first two levels were taken. On the right, the sentinel node and one smaller one beside it, was also taken. These will be closely inspected by the pathologist and we will get that report at the end of January. No muscle was taken, and only one nerve was harmed, which explains some of why Kip has such good range of motion already. However, the nerve that was taken was under her left armpit has left a numb area that extends from under her arm from the edge of her shoulder to the elbow. The doctor says that some sensation may return.
The pain is pretty managed with Tylenol-3, but Kip says that with certain motions she feels like a dog hitting an electric fence (not a totally relaxing image). But she is getting used to the limits.
We have learned how to milk the drains (there are four of them, and they collect fluids that are confused by the absent lymph nodes).
We left the hospital by about 11:30, and Christina (the home care nurse) came by not too long after to deal with the back absess. Everything looks good there, and there will be a home care nurse in every day for as long as we need one.
After an afternoon snooze, Barb came by with Helen and made dinner for us, and Maureen came as well. An impromptu party emerged, and Kip had a contraindicated yet well deserved glass of wine or two! We laughed and cried and celebrated this moment together.
We hope for a long and restful night.
Sending love and good thoughts,
Catherine and Kip
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Surgery Day
Dear Friends,
Catherine here. (I can't quite figure out how to sign in as myself, please forgive me). We got to the hospital at 8 and there was a 'cancellation' so they were able to take Kip almost directly into surgery (probably a good thing, as there was no time to get too upset or nervous).
Everyone at Princess Margaret Hospital has been amazing: nurses, anaesthesiologists, surgeons, the works. Today was no different, and you won't be surprised to hear that Kip's unstoppable personality was unstopped by surgery. Three hours later and Julie and I met with the surgeon. He was pleased. No surprises. No indication of disease in the right breast etc.
Kip was back up in the ward by 2:00 and eating a cheese sandwich by 2:45. Before we left tonight, she had eaten, walked around the nursing station, ordered t.v and telephone, and begun gathering the stories of every staff on the night shift on the 18th floor of PMH.
Many of you have called, sent wishes and love. Kip's doing great. I will go back tomorrow morning for 8:00, hopefully in time for rounds, and we will take Kip home in the afternoon. We are tired, grateful and amazed.
Love to you all.
Catherine (for Kip and Julie)
Catherine here. (I can't quite figure out how to sign in as myself, please forgive me). We got to the hospital at 8 and there was a 'cancellation' so they were able to take Kip almost directly into surgery (probably a good thing, as there was no time to get too upset or nervous).
Everyone at Princess Margaret Hospital has been amazing: nurses, anaesthesiologists, surgeons, the works. Today was no different, and you won't be surprised to hear that Kip's unstoppable personality was unstopped by surgery. Three hours later and Julie and I met with the surgeon. He was pleased. No surprises. No indication of disease in the right breast etc.
Kip was back up in the ward by 2:00 and eating a cheese sandwich by 2:45. Before we left tonight, she had eaten, walked around the nursing station, ordered t.v and telephone, and begun gathering the stories of every staff on the night shift on the 18th floor of PMH.
Many of you have called, sent wishes and love. Kip's doing great. I will go back tomorrow morning for 8:00, hopefully in time for rounds, and we will take Kip home in the afternoon. We are tired, grateful and amazed.
Love to you all.
Catherine (for Kip and Julie)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Surgery Tomorrow
Hi Friends,
Thanks to everyone for your all of your wishes. Tonight I'm really just looking forward to having this done and behind me. In a day I hope to be cancer free...such a great thought.
We are in for 8:00 and the surgery is from 9:30 - 12:30. Catherine will be put up a post tomorrow night and fill you all in on the activities of the day.
I hope to be back online in a few days.
With much love and gratitude,
Kip
Thanks to everyone for your all of your wishes. Tonight I'm really just looking forward to having this done and behind me. In a day I hope to be cancer free...such a great thought.
We are in for 8:00 and the surgery is from 9:30 - 12:30. Catherine will be put up a post tomorrow night and fill you all in on the activities of the day.
I hope to be back online in a few days.
With much love and gratitude,
Kip
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Waiting and Prepping
Hi Friends,Today was comprised of tasks in preparation for Thursday, with a little down time to look at a the recently-released auction book of Michael Jackson photographs. (They are totally distracting.) I had another nurse today (Lydia, not Christina, my usual nurse) who was less impressed with the progress of my back wound. Not to be too graphic, but there is more discharge today (uugh, sorry) which is not great. I'm not sure what they will say at the hospital, but I'm committed to keeping the surgery on Thursday if we can. Maybe they should just do the surgery, put me on a spit and rotate according to which part side of me needs to be drained or packed or cleaned or changed. I'm good with that.
I just got back from the dentist's office. Over the last few months I have developed some sensitivity in a few teeth, so I asked them to put on a little of that gel that desensitizes them. That way I won't have any tooth discomfort over the next few weeks until I'm ready to go in for a real visit. The office is in south Mississauga, and I had a really nice drive home on the QEW while blaring some old Genesis tunes I haven't heard in a while. I love the feeling of driving on Toronto highways, a little over the speed limit, alone, with great music filling the car. Freedom. In the cold early spring, I'll do that with the window down and heat on full. So I'm driving along today, relaxed, content and then whammo - um, I'm having surgery in two days. So I went up to the next level of surgical awareness, you might say. I'm still quite calm, but now more aware of what's coming next, or at least aware of the unpredictability of what's coming next. Roberta and Judy sent me a lovely bamboo plant today (thank you), so I'll meditate next to that plant before going in.
After chemo, all things seem possible, and I know all will be fine, but there is always stress with losing body parts. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to feeling that tonight.
Love,
Kip
Monday, January 3, 2011
Catherine's Birthday
Hi Friends,
Today, Catherine is celebrating a special birthday. I'm really glad the date falls between chemo and surgery, so we can go out and mark this day with a quiet dinner out and then over to see her family where she can celebrate with all of them, including her twin brother Andrew.
My back is healing well and it doesn't look like it will interfere with the surgery date, but we will have to get clearance on that on Wednesday. The nurse comes and repacks it every morning...that part smarts, but it's fine. We will need to continue packing it for at least another week which means there will be some overlap with the incisions and drains in the front and sides after Thursday's surgery. Life is always interesting.
I wish you all best wishes for 2011 and hope you have a happy and healthy year.
With much love,
Kip
Today, Catherine is celebrating a special birthday. I'm really glad the date falls between chemo and surgery, so we can go out and mark this day with a quiet dinner out and then over to see her family where she can celebrate with all of them, including her twin brother Andrew.
My back is healing well and it doesn't look like it will interfere with the surgery date, but we will have to get clearance on that on Wednesday. The nurse comes and repacks it every morning...that part smarts, but it's fine. We will need to continue packing it for at least another week which means there will be some overlap with the incisions and drains in the front and sides after Thursday's surgery. Life is always interesting.
I wish you all best wishes for 2011 and hope you have a happy and healthy year.
With much love,
Kip
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