Dear Friends,
Today I finished the very powerful anti-nausea drug called Emend. There are only three pills in each package, one for the first three days of chemotherapy. I was prescribed four packages to get me through this first half of the treatment. The picture is of me throwing out the last of the packages--as of today, I'm finished with it. I'm grateful to have had it, and I know it saved my skin. The night before my first chemo treatment, Catherine, Julie and I watched an episode of "Nurse Jackie" (a wonderful show if you haven't seen it). One of the storylines on that particular episode was of a man going through chemo who arrives at the emergency room incredibly sick. He hadn't been prescribed the appropriate drugs. The doctor on call sent him home with Emend and he was considerably better. I remember walking into my room after the episode and doing a quiet meditation with my first package of Emend, visualizing it keeping my body together (Jon Kabat-Zinn teaches medicine meditations which are quite helpful, especially during chemo when there are so many nasty medications. His meditations helps you make friends with the drugs, to tap into their healing potential). The Emend did keep me together, and I'm grateful, and now really happy to be done with it.
Despite this praise, it was still a day with lots of nausea. I ranked it around a 4 out of 10, but Catherine thinks I'm under reporting. Perhaps I am. Apparently, my superego won't allow me to go over a 5 without *very* good reason. OK, I'm at a 5 (but I bet I'll be below a 4 by morning...)
Much love,
Kip
Actually, the sick patient in the Nurse Jackie episode was only helped by some contraband pot that Jackie scored for, and then smoked with him. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteAnd Kip does under-report, but is utterly convincing in being apparently fine.
On a completely different note, thank you to everyone for the poetry. I'm also loving it.
Hi Kip,
ReplyDeleteIn honour of your new relationship with your leafy tree, here is a poem by American poet Billy Collins.
My Life
by Billy Collins
Sometimes I see it as a straight line
drawn with a pencil and a ruler
transecting the circle of the world
or as a finger piercing
a smoke ring, casual, inquisitive,
but then the sun will come out
or the phone will ring
and I will cease to wonder
if it is one thing,
a large ball of air and memory,
or many things,
a string of small farming towns,
a dark road winding through them.
Let us say it is a field
I have been hoeing every day,
hoeing and singing,
then going to sleep in one of its furrows,
or now that it is more than half over,
a partially open door,
rain dripping from the eaves.
Like yours, it could be anything,
a nest with one egg,
a hallway that leads to a thousand rooms—
whatever happens to float into view
when I close my eyes
or look out a window
for more than a few minutes,
so that some days I think
it must be everything and nothing at once.
But this morning, sitting up in bed,
wearing my black sweater and my glasses,
the curtains drawn and the windows up,
I am a lake, my poem is an empty boat,
and my life is the breeze that blows
through the whole scene
stirring everything it touches—
the surface of the water, the limp sail,
even the heavy, leafy trees along the shore.
Okay, I was debating between Johnny Cash's "Thanksgiving Prayer" and this e.e. cummings. As you can see, e.e. won out.
ReplyDeletei thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
Kip, I don't post often, but I check in regularly to see how you're doing. I thought of you yesterday when we sat down to eat our thanksgiving dinner. I've had a canker in the side of my cheek the last few days, but as we were eating I had to be thankful that I only had one - your treatments have left you with many mouth sores.
ReplyDeleteHere's a Thanksgiving poem that I thought I'd share with you:
I’m Thankful for You (by Joanna Fuchs)
Thanksgiving is the appointed time
for focusing on the good in our lives.
In each of our days,
we can find small blessings,
but too often we overlook them,
choosing instead to spend our time
paying attention to problems.
We give our energy
to those who cause us trouble
instead of those who bring peace.
Starting now,
let’s be on the lookout
for the bits of pleasure in each hour,
and appreciate the people who
bring love and light to everyone
who is blessed to know them.
You are one of those people.
On Thanksgiving,
I’m thankful for you.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Sheri